Serving Barnwell County and it's neighbors since 1852
This past Easter, after visiting Blackville First Baptist Church, (BFBC); I left the parking lot with such gratitude for new beginnings.
Raised Catholic as a young child I remember daydreaming over a picture of Jesus in a study book. I was drawn to the kindness on His face and wished He could be my friend, in real life. I’d dream like that till the “catechism” bell sent me back to reality. A world where I struggled to fit in.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I had loving parents, friends, siblings and a dog named Sport. But silly as it may sound, my relationship with Sport felt closest to that Jesus daydream. A best friend. Complete acceptance.
Like too many kids, teased for something or another, I was targeted because family heritage blessed me with a nose much more distinctive than most. But, with an artistic nature, my teen years drew me towards bohemian clothes, long hair and love beads. The style drew attention to the lovely colors and patterns which left me feeling more comfortably camouflaged. Other “flower children” became my accepted tribe. Like one Pink Floyd song of the times said, we were “lost souls swimming in a fish bowl” searching for peace, love and understanding. Ironic how true that is.
We were called free spirits and looking back, in some societal ways, we did break free. With respect for each one’s own belief, I broke away from my church upbringing. Explained to my parents I just didn’t feel right praying to and expecting another human being to forgive my wrongdoings. I assured them I still believed in God, yet personally needed to find a closer relationship with Him.
Time went on and a few, spiritual moments gave me certainty that my Creator and I were connecting on the deeper level I longed for. Still, I managed to take my share of wrong turns as I explored life.
And yet, while raising my children, they knew God was always to be honored and prayed to in our home. But something in my Heavenly quest connection was still missing.
A few more personal downfalls finally got me where I needed to be. Because of my need as a single parent for a food ministry, my young family and I found a church fellowship with similar searching folks led by a Pastor who had “been there, done that and got the t-shirt”. It was a storefront ministry in the marketplace, following and studying The Word of God through Scripture only; not religious laws. A congregation joyfully praising and worshiping Jesus, The Living God.
At last I found the door to that personal relationship I sought since childhood. I opened the Bible and studied Jesus’ life. How He left us with His Holy Spirit. How He is here. Always with me. And sure enough the more I drew closer, His Spirit filled my spirit! (James 4:7 says: Draw close to God and He will draw close to you.) I finally fit in more comfortably than ever before and completely understood my purpose: To share His Good News with the gifts I was given. Make my life a testimony to help others find His Loving Kindness too.
Of course, life still had ups and downs. But each struggle built my faith, making me more vibrant with praise and worship. I gained an uncontainable appreciation of His Love and had to share it with the world.
After my own little free spirits left this mama’s nest, I likewise flew away with that song of hope in my heart; eventually returning to the northeast where my childhood days began. Traveling, I felt joy inside. I easily found new friendships and openly shared His Love. People even commented on a contagious Joy that seemed to surround me.
Still, when it came to personal relationships, like dating; well, discernment wasn’t ever my best gift. Hard lesson learned.
One man I dated invited me to his church. A very friendly and loving Baptist Church. I was warmly welcomed. To this day many of them are dear friends. But, when my date picked me up, I didn’t heed The Holy Spirit’s warning when this fellow looked at me, dressed in my still favored bohemian clothes and asked; as he literally and figuratively looked down on me, “You’re not wearing that, are you?”
Suddenly uncomfortable again for the first time in years, I went to my apartment and changed clothes. That’s the moment my joy began falling away. Next happened when we sat inside the church and I embarrassed him with an uncontrollable “Amen” I spoke aloud as the Pastor preached.
The look on his face had such strength that I sunk down in the pew. I began to feel as if I didn’t belong again. Like I was back in time with the bullies. By this point however, I genuinely cared for this man. He was going through a lot and I hoped I could help. So I stayed and left, and stayed and left. Eventually left for good. But, that’s another story that also worked out as a testimony of Praise. Everything does, when we follow His lead.
The thing was, at that time, I grew so close to the people and the Pastor was blessed with a gift for preaching. So when we went to church, I softly said my “Amen’s” and missed them all when I finally left for good.
By the Grace of God, I wound up back here in the south, near The First Baptist Church in Blackville where Pastor Ken Frederick is likewise a gifted preacher. I’ve been to his services a few times. Always blessed. But, I told him, I’m an infrequent visitor because that old Amen hollering, raising hands in praise, clapping and singing out loud, soul sister in me just can’t help but feel like a bird in a cage with my wings clipped as I sit there, trying to control my Joy for the Lord. He listened and smiled alongside his very lovely wife, Suzanne. They even hugged me like siblings in Christ.
I felt so comfortable telling them how I felt. How I love the preaching but find it so hard to hold back my excitement for all The Lord does. To keep my praise and “Amens” to myself.
“Let it out!” they both replied. Joyfully. “Really?” I asked. “Oh yes, let it out!” They assured me.
We stood there and spoke of these times, when the need for revival and being bold for Christ is so important for the world. Then Suzanne invited me to join them for Easter dinner. Tears filled my eyes because I felt God’s Love telling me once again, I belonged and my joy was back on the rise. I feel welcome, just as I am again. Bohemian clothes, big nose, uncontainable praise and all. Just like Jesus welcomes each of us. Just as Our Father created us. Just as we are. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? Come on now, don’t hold back your joy. Somebody say it with me, “Amen!”
