Serving Barnwell County and it's neighbors since 1852
A couple of months ago I was walking through the yard and saw a flock of birds flying off to the right, quite distantly above me. Well, I thought that’s what it was anyway. Turned out to be a torn retina. Not my first either. When flashes of light fluttered in the same area as the “birds’’ I was pretty certain what was on my horizon. Another laser surgery. However, last time those symptoms were in my left eye; the result of a head injury. So, I was surprised that my right eye now, years later, would suffer the same. No recent trauma set it off. Was it like a set of guitar strings, I wondered, simply another stressed one, destined to snap at an unpredictable moment? No matter though. It was what it was, and I’d have no choice but to deal with it.
But, like a lot of us, I’m not comfortable touching my own eyes, let alone entrust their care to another’s hands. And yet, that loom of discomfort quickly became my secondary concern.
On the forefront came an unwelcome awareness of my post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The condition, some of you know, has a tendency to come and go without warning. If life were a movie, it’d be kin to an emotional ghost, haunting me. Picture it. There I was, pleasantly walking through the yard, enjoying the beauty in nature, then, “Boo!”... it’s baaaack! Out of nowhere, catching me off guard. Reason for the trauma response is, that first eye surgery; the head injury, resulted from an abusive, angered physical assault. So, there in the yard as my vision began to worsen, said memory triggered me directly back to an all too familiar fight or flight, fear zone.
Now trust me, I know this is an unpopular topic, and one I’ll always hesitate to mention. But, as I ask Father God to help me to write what He directs; this is where He’s led me today and I have to believe through it, He will help another. Yet, just typing this, reflecting back, my heart rate increases. My hands shake. And truly, in my humanness, I’m not proud to admit, I’d prefer to disobey His prompt and write about ANYTHING else. But, I have to, and overall spiritually, I want to obey His lead. You see, since those dark days, He’s brought me so far; safely, joyfully and blessed me with so much support from His Holy Spirit, Heavenly and “Earthly Angels.” Yes, I’m convinced, for lack of a better term, Earthly Angels, by appointment do exist. Read on, you’ll see why.
These days it seems, more than ever, we need all the Heavenly support we can get. Especially while life’s ups and downs challenge to make us “bitter or better.” I imagine many individuals can relate. Too many know what it’s like, feeling trapped inside one’s own thoughts. And sometimes PTSD creates a lonely, anxiety filled, scary place. For wartime battlefield veterans, or any trauma scenario victim it’s an unavoidable reality. And sadly, very few folks outside of the scarred are readily trusted with those wounded personal details. It’s not that we don’t want to open up and trust. Nor do we intentionally set out to dismiss genuine concern. It’s just an unexplainable level of anxiety that’s yet to be easily overcome. And day to day the quest continues by building a closer relationship with God, therapy with a trusted counselor, supportive family and friends to arch the gateways of healing.
So, that day in the yard, as I rationalized my fears with God, I knew I had to go, but couldn’t see to drive myself to the ER. And sure enough, it was a dear sister in Christ that I turned to for help. Her work schedule keeps her unusually busy, but, as God ordained the moment, she happened to be available and stepped up without hesitation. She’s also one of those few folks who knows enough about my story to understand the situation’s anxiety level and actually told me what I was feeling before I even opened my mouth. Indeed, an earth angel in disguise.
To make a long story short, all turned out well. Emergency surgery happened with the assistance of a few other earth angels, Heavenly placed; monitoring my progress and transporting me back and forth through countless checkups. I can’t thank God or them enough.
As the days passed, physical and emotional healing had me feeling secure in my surroundings again. That is, until a week ago. This time that old PTSD hellion showed up at a public meeting. I was there, waiting for my turn to speak when preceding me, a disruptive, disagreeable situation occurred. A couple of folks, choosing bitter over better, vocalized their issues to the leaders in a most unkind manner. As their anger and ugliness escalated, that old fight or flight response of mine was ready to book it out of there as quickly as possible. Emotionally, once again back in time to memories I’d rather forget. But, I had a mission to be there. Others were depending on me. So, with a prayer, reminding myself: God carried me through previous perils, certainly, I could count on Him to do it again. And sure enough, He did. As I opened my eyes from a moment of meditation, our community’s Men in Blue arrived and secured the scene. Talk about Earth Angels. They’re some big, strong ones! I thanked God, spoke my business and left for my car as readily as possible. I wanted only to be home. Surrounded by the safety of my own quiet walls. But, alas, God needed something else to be accomplished first. Not knowing that at the moment, to my dismay, the position of various officers’ vehicles blocked my car and all others from moving forward. Trying to stay calm but, sitting there almost in tears, suddenly I heard the voice of a friend saying hello to me. He had no idea what was happening inside. He simply drove by and showed up, he said, because he’d “been out looking for something to do.” Still God, as our discussion proved, led him there to be used as another one of His Earth Angels that evening. Seeing my shaken state and learning that I was anxious to leave, with his guidance and kindness, he was able to direct me, steadily in backing out of the parking lot maze.
Throughout these recent events, this Scripture keeps coming back to me. I hope it helps and encourages you too. Psalm 91:11 “He will command His Angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.” It’s His Promise, and never forget, HE IS THE PROMISE KEEPER.
And ya know, from time to time my eyes may still suffer from “flocks of birds” blinding their vision but, nothing will ever keep me from seeing His Grace, Lovingkindness and the Earth Angels He sends our way. Look around…they’re there on your path too!
