Mother gains kids, life back after drug addiction

For the past 19 months, Courtney Barwick has walked through the doors of the Axis I Center in Barnwell every Monday and Thursday by choice.

Before March 18, 2021, her visits to Axis I were mandated either by the Department of Social Services (DSS) or Barnwell County Sheriff’s Office (BCSO). Now, she enters the facility to both receive and give support to others traveling the road of recovery.

“I feel like that’s a part of my recovery, to help people,” said Barwick.

Barwick started smoking marijuana at 13 in 2009. From there, she started using Percocet.

“After Percocet, I did that for a few years, then it was heroin,” she said. “Then I went to crack to get off the heroin, and it worked, but I was just swapping drugs.”

Swapping drugs grew into selling drugs, and the same substances Barwick was using were also earning money for her family.

One night in 2019, after roughly a month of doing meth, she crashed. When the effects of methamphetamines begin to fade, the user often experiences fatigue, paranoia, depression, and other symptoms commonly called a ‘comedown’ or ‘crash.’

While she was asleep, Barwick’s son, who was two years old at the time, got a hold of a torch and lit the bottom of the mattress where she was sleeping on fire.

“My daughter and I are sleeping in the bed, and I wake up to her screaming,” said Barwick.

The fire was roaring about a foot from her face before she was able to put it out. DSS had been notified by an individual in Barwick’s life.

“It was my fault. At the time I blamed everyone else except myself,” she said. “You would think, ‘Okay DSS got called, let me stop doing drugs.’ But I didn’t. I kept doing it.”

Her children were in the care of her mother, and Barwick was removed from the home due in part because she could not pass a drug test at Axis I.

Barwick remembers sitting down across from Axis I Center Deputy Director Kathy Witherspoon, who was responsible for administering the drug test.

Witherspoon informed Barwick she would be participating in a hair follicle test, and she still remembers the anger she felt toward Witherspoon– who is now a valued source of support, in that moment.

“You can’t really cheat on those,” said Barwick. “So, they took my kids.”

Barwick had two young children and was pregnant with her third child when she went to rehab for four months per DSS order.

“When I got back from rehab, I used the next day,” said Barwick. “I had that planned from the get-go.”

Barwick describes the year following her getting out of rehab as a “bad stretch” from Feb. 2020 to March 2021.

Barwick describes how she “never did the drug, the drug always did me.”

She remembers the mindset she had during active addiction, and how her reaction to traumatic events, like the overdoses of people in her life.

“When I was in drug use, I’m not going to lie, when someone overdosed, it was like, ‘Well let’s go get what they’re getting,” said Barwick about how your brain works on drugs. “If someone overdosed on that, it must be really good.”

“I’ve been around people who have had to go through that,” she said of overdosing with subsequent NARCAN use. “Just seeing it traumatized me enough, but they’ll get right back up and start using again.”

Red Ribbon Week is the nation’s largest drug abuse campaign that takes place each year from Oct. 23 to Oct. 31. The 2022 theme is “Celebrate Life. Live Drug Free”, something Barwick does every day.

“It all boiled down to me trying to be something I wasn’t,” said Barwick of her addiction.

When she was arrested on March 18, 2021 for drug-related charges, she didn’t know then that this date would signify triumph and recovery in the following years.

“If that didn’t happen, I don’t know where I’d be,” said Barwick of her arrest.

When she heard the fists of law enforcement officers banging on the door and saw the reflections of blue lights through the windows, she breathed a sigh of relief.

“I was breaking the law and not caring,” said Barwick. “I knew it was coming, so when I looked out the window I was like, ‘about time.’”

Barwick spent four months at the Barnwell County Detention Center while pregnant with her fourth child. Here, she spent a lot of time thinking about the steps that led her where she was.

“I had an eye opener in jail,” said Barwick. “When I got out of jail, I knew I wanted to stay clean, but this time I knew I had to.”

Barwick felt she needed to invest back into herself, because of all that drugs have taken from her.

“I had to find out who I was, so that’s what I did,” she said.

Barwick now has her children back, has her first job, and is working in classes at Axis I such as the Strengthening Families Class.

“My story changed me, but I also changed my story,” said Barwick, a phrase she has created and continues to live by.

“I literally lost myself in addiction,” she said. Barwick remembers letting the actions and opinions of those around her mold her into who she was, when she wasn’t really that person at all.

“But I know now that I allowed that to happen,” she said.

Barwick speaks with accountability and reflection of her life and the life she is making for her children.

“I never really was a mom until now,” said Barwick, who spends time taking her children to events and outings as often as she can.

Barwick first told her story at the Axis I Center’s Overdose Awareness Walk in August, where the testimonies of others compelled her to share.

Both at this event and one-on-one, she thanked members of BCSO for arresting her 19 months ago.

“As time went on, I actually thanked Matt Davis. If it wasn't for them doing their job, my kids wouldn't have gotten their mom back,” said Barwick. “I wouldn't have gotten the chance to live life and do what I am supposed to do.”

Barwick has noticed telling her story helps others feel comfortable to do the same, and often shares experiences with other Axis I group participants.

“I love who I am now, I used to hate myself,” she said. “I look back and it’s a good feeling that I’m getting all this back and get a chance to show that I can be good to society and not just out there using drugs.”

Barwick plans to continue being a dedicated member of the Axis I family, and hopes her story will resonate with others in the community.