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After my mother-in-law died last month, the family was faced with the task of going through her things, her apartment, her papers, her life. That process, for those of you who have lost someone close to you, is bittersweet. There is so much joy in reliving memories, but so much pain and heartache in having to let go and say goodbye.
As her four children and spouses methodically went through this most difficult task, and as we saw how many people and organizations and causes and tasks her hands and heart had touched during her ninety-two years, I could not help but think about her legacy. How grand it is. A marriage that weathered ups and downs, living in the same house for six decades, raising four great adults, volunteering for countless organizations and helping to make the lives of so many people better. Teaching children, befriending the sick, comforting those who were suffering for any reason, helping to point students in the direction of scholarships and further education. She did so much, and left a trail of newspaper clippings, sparkling awards and even more brilliant smiles behind. A life well lived.
I often thought of legacies as those things we left behind when we passed on. Those bank accounts, houses, furnishings, perhaps endowments to scholarships or other physical signs that we were here, that we existed, that we lived and wanted someone to know that in a tangible way after we were long gone. That is true of course, that legacy is the leavings, the things bequeathed and passed on with purpose. Legacies are remainders of sorts. Hearing about my mother-in-law’s journey made me look at this part of life a little differently.
A living legacy can be the time that you spend with those you love. It can be teaching someone how to garden. It can be reading to a child. It can be having a five-minute conversation and leaving a magazine with someone who is waiting to hear back from diagnostic test results, fearing that they might have cancer. A living legacy can be the indelible imprint of joy on a small child’s heart and soul the first time they learn to ride a bicycle. It can be sharing Christmas music in a living room, sitting with all your family around, listening to those stories that get repeated every holiday season, and smiling.
A living legacy can mean many things, but two of them are the most important to me. The first is the time spent, the experiences, the one on one, the giving of oneself day to day that lasts forever in the hearts of others. The second is those very people themselves, those recipients of your love, generosity, caring and courage, those who will carry a part of you in them for the rest of their own lives. They are your living legacy, even if you left not one single cent in a savings account.
If we died tomorrow, what would people find? What would we leave behind? Instruction, inspiration, courage? Would our legacy be written on paper, in stone, or on the hearts of others?
As our loved ones lovingly sorted through our earthly possessions, would they find evidence of an inquisitive mind? A calendar full of busyness that helped others, or that served only our own interests? Would they see creativity, or time wasted? Would they find an appreciation of beauty? How much of the detritus of life that we leave will truly be stacks of throwaways and how much will be signposts to the future that our loved ones will pick up, remember, take with them and cherish.
It is never too late to begin building your living legacy. Time spent now in making the world a better place is never wasted. Time spent now in making your mark on the world and those in it will mean that when it is your time to pass on, the things you leave behind will not be solely tangible. They will be truly ethereal, too light and airy for this world, loaned by heaven to light the way home for others.
