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I picked out a capsule for the coffee flavor I wanted that morning before work, inserted it in the machine my wife had bought as a gift for me, and waited for the light to turn solid white so that I could push the button to begin the brewing process. I had done this dozens of times, it was always reliable, and I had every expectation that soon I would have a nice hot cup of coffee as I always did. I was surprised this time to see that the light did not turn reassuringly solid white, but a menacing, pulsing, flashing red.
What is this, I thought to myself, annoyed. What is this disruption in my routine, and how do I fix it and move on? I checked the water reservoir and filled it up, I took out one pod and replaced it with another, and I even unplugged the machine and plugged it in again, all to no avail. There it was, flashing red, telling me that something was wrong, but I could not figure it out on my own. Off I went, resolving to ask my wife for help in figuring out this problem when she returned.
Switch gears to a book I’m currently reading called “The Good Life” by Robert Waldinger MD and Marc Schulz PhD, which discusses in detail the longest-running study of happiness anywhere. This study was started in 1938 at Harvard University and has added participants from the initial group’s families and has been a gold mine of data on what makes and keeps us happy. A vignette in that book talked about two women, both of whom found small lumps in their breasts. The first woman, frightened by what the finding might mean, decided to deny the issue, not mention it to her husband or her children or friends, and did not go to the doctor to have this finding evaluated. The second woman, feeling the same unease about what she had felt, decided to speak with her husband and her children, and then decided to immediately book an appointment with her doctor for diagnostic testing. Both women had cancer. The second woman embarked on a long but successful course of therapy that ultimately saved her life. The first woman, who waited until she felt ill to seek medical attention, developed more advanced cancer and died.
We often get small clues, red lights if you will, letting us know that something is wrong with our coffee makers, our physical health, or our mental health. Sometimes these clues are mere annoyances. Sometimes they can literally put us on a course of action that will save our lives. Sad mood, irritability, changes in appetite or sleep, difficulty concentrating, problems at work, isolation from others, suicidal thoughts, all can be flashing red lights that let us know that we need to pay attention to something that is not going well and that may get worse. We ignore these warning lights at our peril. Now I realize that not everyone needs formal mental health evaluation and treatment but consider this.
The 1938 Harvard happiness study has found that the one specific thing that we can change or encourage or pay attention to that will make our lives better across the board is to foster, encourage, and nurture our relationships. That’s it.
If, no, when your life hands you a problem that is trivial or insurmountable and you simply cannot handle it on your own, reach out to family, friends, coworkers or whoever is in your social support system. Express your concerns and fears, no matter how much you fear that you will be a burden or a nuisance. Test reality against a trusted advisor’s take on the problem. Should you act, or are you overreacting? Should you see a counselor, your family doctor, a psychiatrist?
For trivial problems like my malfunctioning coffee maker, it is merely a matter of solving the problem and moving on. My wife figured out that I had inadvertently thrown an inner plastic storage bin in the machine away as I was emptying the spent pod receptacle. She retrieved it, put it back in its place, and voila, white light and perfect coffee. For the two ladies above, one used her support networks, got good advice, entered treatment, and lived. The other was not nearly so fortunate, as she died from a potentially treatable cancer.
For you, continuing to see a red flashing warning sign could mean months of depression, anxiety, or even a feeling that life is no longer worth living if you do not seek help. If you experience any of these warning signs of physical or mental illness, do not stare at the red flashing light wondering what is wrong.
Reach out. Get help. Live.
